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(NEWZIMBABWE) UK-Zimbabwe relations could change after May 6

COMMENT - In the corrupt world of the MDC, there is a pricetag on everything.

UK-Zimbabwe relations could change after May 6
by Mandla Nyathi
12/04/2010 00:00:00

BRITAIN is working on a major plan to make a purchase in Zimbabwe. But the plan is not on land or mining concessions that normally constitute the usual list of suspect items when Britain and Zimbabwe is the topic.

The unimaginable and unthinkable reality is that the British establishment, particularly aligned to the Conservative views of the political pendulum, wish and want to buy President Mugabe of Zimbabwe.

The assumption, wrong or right, informed or ill informed, is that there will be a new political order in London after May 6. That new order, so is the hope, is expected to bring an end to the long standing feud between London and Harare.

Those closest to the feathers of power clearly believe that should Mugabe’s political opponents fail to give him a fatal political blow in the next few months, the only option tenable in protecting British interests in Zimbabwe is to buy Zimbabwe’s President.

It is easy to dismiss that notion as absolute rubbish, moreso if one is not familiar with British tenets of conducting their affairs, particularly with third world leaders.

When I first heard of this idea and plan to buy Mugabe, I thought it was too remote and far- fetched to even think about. I was very wrong. If you think otherwise, you are equally wrong. The English, in fact the Brits, whatever you call them, are masters of buying their enemies. The Arabs discovered it long back. Those few that I have met, for tea and nothing else, have always emphasised the thesis that it is better to be an enemy of the British than to be their friend. You may wonder why. It is simple and true.

When you are an enemy to the British, they always try to buy you. More often than not, believe me, they succeed. On the other hand when you are their friend, they will sell you. If it means selling you, your wife, your clan, and country, they care less; and will proceed to sell you in the interest and name of Great Britain.

A professor of sociology, also a friend of mine, tells me that the British social construct of friendship is one of temporary relational social contracts. Nothing is permanent or of principle as far as the economic interest of Great Britain goes. Those familiar with Westminster will recall this government’s ethical foreign policy project and, more importantly, the manner it disappeared from the shelves of governance, library, and vocabulary used by those that govern us today. The rest about Brits and friendship is about the coalition of capitalism -- invading Sierra Leone, Iraq, etc.

Very few people know, let alone understand, the intricate nature of the conflict that led to the asymmetrical judo fight between Zimbabwe’s State House and Downing Street or indeed between London and Harare; or as some tell me between Pan African leaders and Western powers. The simplistic view would be to hide behind the spurious veils of governance, land, and democracy, all variables that mean little in terms of interpretation by an average human being.

However, on the other hand, whatever the causatives of the fight, the truth is that the fighters on both sides of the divide are damn tired of fighting, at least certainly on the side nearest to Thames River. Both sides, remember, are pathologically alien to defeat. The new order that so many are dreaming of, come May 6, provides an opportunity for the two sides to avoid humiliation.

The anticlimax of the fight will be the buying of Britain’s chief opponent in Zimbabwe and creation of a new friendship, whose detail, as usual, would be hidden under the numerous and various letters of understanding and cooperation.

Many ordinary Zimbabweans, particularly those that have sought the Queen’s sanctuary over the years, assumed, and awfully wrongly, and perhaps including many learned people who should have known better, that having common enemies with Brits implied mutual friendship. In simple terms, the absurd premise that having a common opponent equates to mutual friendship.

The reality today is that after years pursuing a common front, albeit not united in effort, strategy and rules of engaging each other, the Zimbabweans living in the UK have to rue the possibility of the consequences of a successful British venture to buy President Mugabe. Whether the President of Zimbabwe will agree or not, no one knows yet, at best we can speculate.

The price to buy President Mugabe is not phenomenal for an economy the size of Britain. The potential gains in terms of economic ties and other foreign policy interests, hardly made available for all of us to see, make the venture even more appetising for the Brits.

Of significance could be the compensation to the relatives of the white farmers that died during the infamous period of land occupations and resettlement. The price of full compensation of land lost by the former commercial farmers is nothing compared to the aggregate economic reward that may flow between the two spheres. After all, the discussion and concept of a multilateral donor fund to compensate former commercial farmers is already underway in various levels of national and international governance.

As for the black commercial farm workers and the rest, do you think the Brits care? A few boreholes and usual vocabulary in international development economics is the best that can come out of that deal. Of course the sanctions would go, as they did in, inter alia, Iraq, Libya, and Pakistan.

The cost that the President has to incur in this transaction is simple and of intrinsic value if not of sentimental significance: that is ego, legacy, and reason. For a person who has been to the mountains and trenches, insulted, sanctioned, and knows prison and church, that is not too much a price to pay.

But, where does that leave you and everyone else? To those that that kept faith with Mugabe, I am sure they will happily get mega trumpets and promote the selective outcome as victory for the President and defeat for the regime change agenda forces. Sadly, it leaves those that assumed that the Brits will be on their side throughout the political judo of Zimbabwean politics with a mouth wide open in despair and disbelief.

The deal to buy President Mugabe will inevitably lead to a comprehensive mass repatriation programme for UK-based Zimbabweans with various immigration regularisation issues. Groups that turned the crisis in Zimbabwe into a cash cow face ruin and disruption. The language and groundwork that is currently taking place at Westminster points towards one direction -- that is the softening and preparation of that eventuality to buy Mugabe and wind up all those advocacy groups formed in the name of “crisis in Zimbabwe”.

The Brits, do not get me wrong, continue to smile at all Zimbabweans everywhere. That is a specialty for Brits. In fact, it is a trademark to smile, plastic or otherwise, at friends and foes alike. But as a childhood friend of mine always said, “the English will smile at you and then chop your manhood.” And now I can see the possibility of the English smiling and getting close to chopping off the manhood of those that for so long thought, unknowingly, that the Brits where smiling at them as friends.

Another thing that we should all know about the Brits and the way they conduct their affairs is that despite this project being at its formative stages, its conclusions are measured to the very end. Many Zimbabwean professionals are already positioning themselves for any possible economic opportunities that may come their way as a result of this dream to buy Mugabe. Disappointingly though, the identity of chief implementers of the dream seems to be a guarded secret. But judging by the buzzing lobbyists of every nature in Westminster and allied streets, it is not long before everything is laid open in the public domain.

Some of you may argue that this is just a Westminster dream. So why bother and waste time on a dream that may never materialise?

The relevance and significance of this dream is that it may define, for centuries to come, the complex relationship between London and Harare. Outside the dream, there is no doubt that all the major players are willing to end the fight and of course, realise the importance of reviving “old friendship” through normalisation of relations.

Finally, as Zimbabweans, we need to know and understand that there is little to be gained by being the friends of Britain. On the other hand there is more to gain from an opponent’s position. That is for a simple logical reason, if you are their enemy, they try to buy you or they buy you; and when you are a friend, they simply sell you.

As we approach the critical date of May 6, as a community of Zimbabweans in the UK, we need a deep self introspection and to stop pretending to be friends with the British and identify what we want collectively. What we want from them, their links, and influence. Get what we want and move on!

This is a summary of Mandla Nyathi’s lecture on “Thinking the unthinkable” on Zimbabwe and its future relations with Britain. Dr Nyathi is a Zimbabwean academic currently teaching at Buckinghamshire New University.

You can contact him at Mandla.Nyathi *** Bucks.ac.uk

Labels: MDC CORRUPTION, NEOCOLONIALISM

posted by MrK @ 2:55 PM