Maravi

Leave it alone

Leave it alone
By Mubita C. Nawa
Tue 02 Feb. 2010, 04:00 CAT

There are things that make sense and there are those that make the little sense we have go away. This week’s article is dedicated to anyone who has been accused wrongly and does not know what to do. Even if you have never been accused, at least read this article as it may help you one day.

As a disclaimer, know that when an author expresses vulnerability, it is for the purposes of instructing and training. Please indulge me as I peel some covers off some of my private life.

A few days ago I sat in the middle of the night wondering why life was the way it was. When a man or woman questions the validity of life, it is because something has occurred that is different from their expectations. As public figures in general, most of us miss one thing the most; our privacy. When you step out into public life by choice or by destiny, you immediately say goodbye to your private life.

My first major false accusation came 12 years ago when I worked for a bank. On a day that I was off duty, my branch was robbed at gunpoint. My friend called me and told me that our bank was robbed. Being caring as I was, I rushed to the branch to check on my co-workers. Unknown to me, I had just arrived about twenty minutes after the inspectors got there. Long story short, after I returned to work, my boss informed me that I was the number one suspect. My stomach fell to the floor.

When people accuse you, rightly or wrongly, they believe they are doing the correct thing. Yet often, the number one reason people do so is to protect their interests. Human nature generally goes into defence mode when attacked. Like an untamed beast, we prefer to protect that which we perceive as our own.

The one who accuses is like a predator. Driven by vengeance, anger,
insecurities and often a life of unfulfilled pleasures, they use the act of accusing others as a cathartic escape from their world of insecurities. They preoccupy their lives with a schizophrenic pleasure of creating misery for others.

The one being accused is like a tortoise curled in its shell, yet finds no room to fit his or her mutilated self esteem. In that moment, the accusation eats away at their faith and self worth creating unnecessary self doubt.
Personal privacy is the first thing to go in a public figure’s life. The second thing to go is trust. You just do not know who to trust. When people accuse you, they are on a mission to slow you down, to destroy you and to kill your vivacity.

Though I consider myself a fairly wise person, I can be naïve sometimes in terms of trust. I recently went to meet a friend (or now I realise an enemy) who sounded very depressed over the phone. I got so concerned I went to her office to check on her. My visit lasted no more than three minutes. I gave what I thought were encouraging words. The next day I received phone calls with strong messages from someone asking me to stay away from their wife. I was accused. Someone set me up to cover up something and used me as a scapegoat. That evening I sat in my chair in the pre-dawn hours asking God what I had done to deserve this. In order to save a marriage (theirs), I decided to leave it alone and to sever all ties with that couple.

There are some battles you must just leave alone. What will you gain by winning them anyway? I still don’t know why someone I considered a friend would do such a thing to me. By the way, false accusers come in all shapes, ages, ethnicities and professions.

What do you do when you are falsely accused? You leave it alone. Sometimes in fighting for a good name you create a bad name. The second thing is you pray to God and ask Him to vindicate you. He will fight for you. Finally, you must find a way to forgive and to move on. This is tough and hard but it is critical for your full restoration of energy and vision.

You are neither the first person nor the last who has ever been accused. Yet if we can all find our feet, it will help us all to move or at the very least to stand. False accusations are like a cancer that eats deep into our consciousness. Yet we can all pick up lessons as to what we too could have done wrong to find ourselves in such situations. As for me, that bank accusation could have been avoided had I not rushed to the bank shortly after the robbery. As for the so-called friend, I should have read the signs of desperation and loneliness and avoided such a person.

When you are falsely accused, do you spend the rest of your life clearing your name of any slander? No you do not. You keep going and ignore your accusers. Keep walking, my friend. Your name may be slandered from the outside, but nothing can tarnish an innocent conscience. As long as you know that you are innocent and God is your witness, there is no court on earth, jury in hell or false accuser that can pilfer your joy. And in those rare cases when you are actually guilty, dust yourself up and keep on moving. We cannot suspend our lives because of a stumble or fall generated by the frailties of our humanity. Any journey to greatness is shoe-laced with both poor decisions and great ones.

Always remember, we do not live our lives to impress people but we live because our conscience is clear and free. Leave it alone and enjoy the life God has given you.

posted by MrK @ 11:30 AM