Monday, June 03, 2013

(HERALD ZW) Humble Tsvangirai, I presume?
Wednesday, 22 May 2013 10:23

FROM today please call me Humble Caesar Zvayi, I am really, really desperate to be humble. For a humble life is what I have been trying to build since the day I earned my first salary but alas, I didn’t know what such a life entails till I heard it from the lips of our Prime Minister, the ‘‘Humble’’ Right Honourable Morgan Richard Tsvangirai.

The man lives a “humble’’ life in a US$4,5million mansion in Harare’s posh Highlands suburb. It is such a humble existence that having bought the house for US$790 000, that is three quarters of a million US dollars, his humility demanded that it be renovated at a cost of US$1,5million of which he reportedly took a whopping US$3million, US$1,5million apiece from the central bank and treasury, which is why the house is today valued at US$4,5million.

Of the US$3million, US$1,5 went to renovations while the other US$1,5million no one knows but with reports the man became a legend of all kinds of seas, you can hazard a guess.

It is such a humble existence that a string of women last year fought over Mr Tsvangirai for his athletic build and gorgeous, drop dead looks, with one of them revealing that the man had paid US$36 000 ‘‘damages’’ for her without batting an eyelid, while another told of a jet-set life of boat cruises and seven star hotels.

In fact, it is such a frugal existence that Tsvangirai could afford to buy his first wife out of a marriage with a lump sum payment of US$300 000 and an undisclosed monthly maintenance plan, all so he could be left to enjoy life with his second wife in peace. I REITERATE, in peace.

Who wouldn’t want such a humble lifestyle? One with enough money to buy one self out of a marriage? A humble life that enables one to fly all of 18 hours to New York for a family get together that could have been held back in Humanikwa Village, but humbleness required lording it for a week in a US$5000 a night suite at the plush Waldorf Astoria Hotel in Manhattan that is normally monopolised by Sheiks and Emirs rolling in oil dollars.

Please call me Humble Zvayi, maybe, just maybe, I may live such a humble life!
But what is my point?

My point is what Tsvangirai says and what he does are as different as day and night.
The other day the man, who has been clamouring for so-called media reforms, and who on the occasion of World Press Freedom Day earlier this month waxed lyrical about his commitment to Press freedom, media plurality etc, was busy threatening unspecified action against journalists who see him as an ugly duckling not the handsome swan the women who fought for him took him to be.

Journalists do not have to hold a contrary opinion. It is illegal in Tsvangirai’s book. I am one of those journalists who were put on western sanctions at the instigation of Tsvangirai’s party as I stood accused of “closing democratic space’’ whatever that means. It did not dawn on Tsvangirai that in having me on sanctions, his handlers were also closing my democratic space.

Today the man talks media reforms but is deathly silent on the pirate stations his handlers set up in a bid to prop his political fortunes, that waned regardless. He talks of the full implementation of the GPA but conveniently forgets that the major outstanding issue to the full implementation of that GPA are the illegal sanctions regimes he grovelled for.

Maybe it all has to do with the professed humility, kudya uroyi nekunyara his handlers as it were.

Well the man talks transparency but lies to the nation with a straight face, his latest fib being the ludicrous claim that he was issued a second hand Mercedes Benz vehicle when he took delivery of a spanking new machine with just 28km on the clock, delivery mileage.

But to our man from Buhera, the truth is what he says it is, the same way he emerged from his party’s national council meeting on October 12 2005, to misrepresent that there had been a deadlock when the issue was put to the vote with 33 council members for participating in the Senate elections, and 31 against with two spoilt ballots; and as party president he had used his casting vote to break the impasse.

It later turned out that there had been no deadlock as the national council had endorsed participation since decisions were taken by simple majority; and there was no provision for the so-called casting vote in the MDC constitution.

But to our man from Buhera, the truth is what he says it is.

This is the same thinking that saw Tsvangirai rush into the region to try to misrepresent the socio-political situation in a bid to get support for a postponement of elections constitutionally due on or before June 29 , when the life of the Seventh Parliament expires.

Well, our long suffering ‘’democrat’’ who has harped ad nauseum over the years that Zimbabwe faced a ‘’crisis of legitimacy’’ is digging in over putting himself to the people for a verdict, when ‘’dictator Mugabe is insisting on elections.

But then it’s all in a day’s work for Tsvangirai, just as with lifestyle, democracy is what he says it is.

I remain, Humble Caesar Zvayi.

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